A Soul Shaped like Swiss Cheese

“H O L E S” by TokBLOK was created as a homage to Hic et Nunc during the hen reunion event on November 11th, 2022. Although I hadn't been an avid collector of TokBLOK, the moment I laid eyes on “H O L E S,” I felt an instant attraction towards it. Initially, I watched it only a few times. But gradually, I found myself fixating on it, falling into a trance that lasted for hours.

The birth of Hic et Nunc was a turning point for many of us. Since it was the first NFT marketplace built on the Tezos blockchain, it emerged as the first environmentally sustainable, inclusive, and decentralized marketplace. This opened the door to a new wave of collectors and creators from across the globe.

It had been a turning point for me personally because it was the first time I felt like I belonged anywhere. When I first entered the Tezos scene early in 2021, the energy was electric. Everyone was eager to make new friends, and artists were enticing new users with free pieces of art for events like objkt4objkt. The decentralized nature of the platform fostered a strong sense of community ownership, motivating all sorts of development and festivities. I couldn't bear to miss a second of it; I had left my job and spent the entire year immersed in this space.

However, by the end of 2021 - I was burned out. At that point, the market was clearly on the decline. Despite, the depreciation of my precious jpgs, I was relieved that I could finally take a break without the fear of missing out on drops. However, I still had hope that things would turn around sooner than later, despite the overall macro conditions of the market, because there was so much value, and things had only just begun!

As we entered 2022, other sectors started to take the spotlight, particularly generative works on fx(hash), which reignited my hope. Unfortunately, illustrative works continued to lose traction and attention. Following Rafael Lima's decision to discontinue Hic et Nunc, and the subsequent rebranding of the platform to Teia, it became increasingly clear that the Hic et Nunc we once knew and loved, was now undeniably a thing of the past.

I was at a loss with how to proceed with my life. I didn't identify as an artist, programmer, or even a writer. I was unsure how to channel my passion for this space. I experimented with various different things and failed, until, through a series of synchronistic events, I discovered that I needed to write.

I then embarked on the journey of writing "From Here and Now to Infinity and Beyond," the comprehensive history of Hic et Nunc. It was a project that exceeded my initial expectations, taking about 6 months of hard work from start to finish. During the process of writing, I found myself reliving those moments, and realized that I had taken the Hic et Nunc experience for granted. Hic et Nunc had been one of the most, if not the most, exciting parts of my life.

While in the process of writing, Tok blok released his piece "H O L E S" on November 11th (11,11) as an editioned work for 5 measly tez. He could have priced the editions higher, or sold it as a 1/1 to squeeze out more profit. However, it was clear that profit wasn't the primary motivation behind this creation. Not that there's anything wrong with that; artists need to earn a living too, but the essence of this piece stemmed from a profound place, with the major focus being the act of bringing it into existence, rather than solely making money from it.

It resonated with me at a time when the memories of Hic et Nunc were fresh in my mind. As I watched it on repeat, I cried. However, on a deeper level, it conveyed far more to me than just Hic et Nunc. As I continued to watch it replay, it began to tell a different story - that of someone who had endured a lot of hardships in their life, hardships that had left them with holes, and I had my own holes too.

My mom had gotten bitten by a tick when I was young, and became completely disabled from the waist down by the time I was only 12. I didn’t know how to take care of myself without my mom breathing over my shoulder, and a lot of things started working against me. I ended up getting lice and warts which plagued me for a longer time than I’d like to admit. I slept on the floor for years because I didn't have a room. I was gay, surrounded by homophobia. As a result, I was abandoned by my friends, and I was bullied.

Things wouldn't improve until much later in my life, towards the end of high school when I made friends, got a job, and had a car I could drive. However, after starting my first year at a local college, everything fell apart again. All my siblings had moved out, and my mom's condition was only getting worse. Since my dad was getting up at the crack of dawn for work and returning home late at night, I became my mom's primary caregiver. She was pressuring me to take her out every day, and to take her to doctor's appointments. It was a physically intensive process to get her up, change her, help her into her wheelchair, help her go to the bathroom, get her out of the house, into the car, and back out again.

This was all happening while I was attending school full-time and working. The burden of everything became so heavy that I collapsed under its weight. I ended up getting fired from my job, and then I started falling behind in school until I had no choice but to drop out. I then began spiraling into depression.

There's more to the story, and fortunately, I was able to overcome this adversity, but the point is that when TokBLOK talks about holes, I know holes; I’m riddled with them. My soul’s shaped like swiss cheese.

For that, "H O L E S" is a very special piece to me. On one layer, it represents the profound loss of Hic et Nunc, which had been a turning point for many of us, and a memory we'll cherish forever. However, on a deeper level, it tells the story of life marked by hardships. This artwork has depth and layers which powerfully express our shared human experience, and that's why I consider "H O L E S" to be an absolute masterpiece.